Robots

Robot Memories

2010-10-28T11:09:00.001-07:00

I remember when I was a kid and I watched a robot strangle my best friend to death.

It was the most horrifying experience of my life.

And also the most awesome!

Great Moments In Robots In History

2010-10-28T11:08:00.001-07:00

Did you know that Houdini died after being punched in stomach by a robot?
Some people might not understand why that would be considered a "great moment in robot history".

Those people are ignorant.

Robots: More Like Your Teenage Son Than You Might Think

2010-06-24T22:41:00.000-07:00

Also your son is kind of a weirdo.

Robot Choose Your Own Adventure

2010-01-06T19:35:00.000-08:00

But no matter which adventure you choose, that robot always ends up killing everybody.

Great Robots In Hip Hop

2010-01-06T19:31:00.000-08:00

Notorious B.O.T.

R.I.P

The Greatest Magic Trick I've Ever Seen

2010-01-06T19:17:00.000-08:00

He uses a double. It's the only way!

Robot Strip Clubs

2010-01-05T20:34:00.000-08:00

What happens in Robot Vegas is deleted from his memory drive upon leaving Robot Vegas.

Robots: More Like Us Than You Might Think

2010-01-05T20:33:00.001-08:00

Robot Hands: More Like Our Hands Than You Might Think

2010-01-05T20:30:00.001-08:00

Except when they have pinchers.

Then again one time I saw a guy who had pinchers.

Robot Plagiarism

2009-12-30T21:28:00.000-08:00

Hey controversial pop singer and American Idol also-ran Adam Lambert, I've an idea for you...

Maybe you could stop stealing your stage act from robots!

Just an idea.

...HACK!

Robot Christmas

2009-12-19T09:28:00.000-08:00

This time of the year it is easy to get carried away with such worldly things as Robot Santa...
And robot reindeer...
And even robot presents...
But let us each try our best this season to place our focus on the real reason we celebrate Robot Christmas...

Robots: More Like Us Than You Might Think

2009-12-16T19:40:00.000-08:00

Great Robots In Literature

2009-12-16T17:19:00.000-08:00

H.E.S.T.E.R.

Robot Postcard

2009-12-16T16:42:00.001-08:00

"Having a wonderful time. Wish you were an Asian chick."

Battle Of The Cola Robots

2009-12-16T16:17:00.001-08:00

When it comes to Cola drinks, we all know that Coke is the industry leader and Pepsi is the runner up.

But how do these two companies compare when it comes to making robots?

Well, here is the Coke-Bot...

And here is the Pepsi-Bot...

Oh well, nice try Pepsi.

But I guess at least you're used to being second place.

Robot Death Panels

2009-12-14T17:42:00.000-08:00

I support government sponsored euthanasia-bots.

And not just because I hate old people.

2009 Robot Year In Review

2009-12-13T20:55:00.000-08:00

Some people think the most shocking story of 2009 was the tragic death of the robot king of pop...

But I think even more shocking news story was about Robot Tiger Woods...

Robot Elmo: More Like Elmo Than You Might Think

2009-12-13T20:49:00.000-08:00

Robot Prophylactics

2009-12-13T20:06:00.000-08:00

Even harder to put on than regular prophylactics.

Robot Hate

2009-12-13T18:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I received a very angry comment on this blog that you can read HERE. I guess that guy doesn't really like robots. Which is a phenomenon we have touched upon here in the past, but perhaps we should address in full today...

Some people hate robots...

And some robots hate people...

And if I am being absolutely honest with myself, I would probably have to side with the latter.

Because seriously, did you see the comment that guy left???

Clarification

2008-06-14T07:21:00.000-07:00

Pessimist Prime:

Thinks the glass is half empty.

Optimist Prime:

Can turn into a diesel truck.

Robot Tanks

2008-04-01T11:18:00.001-07:00

Now completely Katate-chop proof.

Classic Robot Joke

2008-04-01T11:09:00.000-07:00

How many robots does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two.

One to screw in the light bulb...

And one to f*** your wife while you are at work slaving away in a job you hate, working for some asshole you hate.

------------

Yeah, I don't even get that joke.

And I think it is a little more personal than necessary.

But it is a classic!

Robot Hospital

2008-04-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Robot Hospital.

We can help you with all of your robot medical needs.

We have a state of the art emergency room complete with porn star nurses... We specialize in:

Amputations...
Hernia operations...
Pacemakers...Physical therapy...
Face removal therapy...
Epidurals... (Robotchuma Robotchuma!)

And even carpel tunnel surgury...
Because you have to be careful about where you get your robot carpel tunnel surgury done.

This robot went to a non-robot hospital...
(Botchedchuma Botchedchuma)

Startling Stories

2008-04-01T10:21:00.000-07:00

So a robot kidnaps a half-naked babe and starts shooting everybody else with his death ray?

If you knew what I knew about robots, you wouldn't find this story all that startling.

In fact, it's pretty typical.

Amazing Adventures

2008-04-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

So this robot is making out with a lady while being controlled by a little green monster?

Again, based on my robot experience, this isn't really all that "amazing".

Planete Interdite

2008-04-01T10:12:00.001-07:00

I don't know what "planete interdite" means, but this is pretty much business as usual isn't it?

Robots Who Look Like Their Owners

2008-04-01T09:43:00.000-07:00

It's a strange phenomenon...

Warning: Never Ask A Robot To Pull Your Finger

2008-03-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

They are not familiar with our customs. They don't understand that after they hear the noise they should stop.

They will keep pulling until your finger comes right off your hand.

And that will just result in a smelly and bloody mess for everyone.

Robot Staring Contest

2008-03-29T13:03:00.001-07:00

You will loose.

Great Moment In Robot History: Robot v. Board Of Education

2008-03-29T12:56:00.000-07:00

1957 - Little Rock, Arkansas

The first robots selected to attend a human/robot integrated school are escorted by police across the school's campus.

I Don't Really Know What This Is

2008-03-29T12:52:00.001-07:00

But it seems like something that would be illegal in America.

Or at least it should be.

If You Want To Play In Texas...

2008-03-29T12:44:00.000-07:00

You've got to have a robot in the band.

Robots And Children

2008-03-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

They've been doing some studies with robots and children and it turns out they are actually very good with kids.They love playing games with them...

And listening to their stupid songs...

There are even a few new robot day care programs opening up...

But you know, as good as robots are with our chilren, it's ironic because humans aren't aren't nearly as good with robot children.

In fact they are terrified of them...

Robot Penguins: More Like Real Penguins Than You Might Think

2008-03-29T12:31:00.001-07:00

Robot Mickey Mouse: Less Like The Real Mickey Mouse Than You Might Think

2008-03-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

I mean besides the ears, they are really nothing alike!

Fight

2008-03-29T12:12:00.000-07:00

I get the feeling that robot is about to kick that guys ass...

Oh by the way...

Robot fact: You never want to mess with a robot's energy drink.

Robot Gang

2008-01-12T12:44:00.001-08:00

I was thinking about starting a Robot gang.

But the problem is I only know two robots:
Maybe I'll just start a Robot duo.

Robot Threat

2008-01-12T12:43:00.001-08:00

There's been a lot of stories in the press lately about this robot and his plans to burn all human-kind to death.Well, I for one can't blame him.

After all, we're the ones who started this war...

Great Moments In Robot History

2008-01-12T12:41:00.000-08:00

Actually this one belongs under Weird Moments In Robot History. My mistake.

Sheesh!

2008-01-12T12:33:00.000-08:00

Look, I'm sorry.

I would just really rather not talk about this robot if you don't mind.

Just A Few Robot Questions

2008-01-12T12:03:00.000-08:00

I think it's only natural that one asks himself a few questions when he finds a picture like this...

Are you looking at this picture?

Why are you looking at this picture?

Why can you not stop looking at this picture?

Do any of you know where this place is?

Robots Are Our Friends

2008-01-12T11:58:00.000-08:00

Sometimes a robot friend is the best thing you can get a little girl who is so weird or ugly that she doesn’t have any real friends…
And I guess the same thing can be applied to grown men…

Robot Celebrities: More Like Human Celebrities Than You Might Think

2008-01-12T11:55:00.000-08:00

Robot Mixing

2008-01-12T11:27:00.000-08:00

I like to think I am an open minded person when it comes to robot relationships.

I don't judge when I hear about a man who loves himself a lady-bot...
And I also fully support a lady who finds herself catching robot-fever...
And robot poligamy? Sure, why not? More power to you...
But I am a man who has limits. And there is one robot couple that I will not stand by and allow my children to have to witness.

Robots and monkeys...
If God had intended monkeys to bread with robots, we wouldn't have made Adam and Eve, he would have made Adambot and Koko.

And just look at the offspring...
It ain't right, I tell you.

It ain't right at all!

This Is One Of My All Time Personal Favorites...

2008-01-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

Oh and look at that, there's a robot in the picture as well.

Ah And Here's Another Great One...

2008-01-12T10:55:00.000-08:00

Hmm... That's weird - there's a robot in this one too.

New Advancements In Robot Technology

2008-01-12T10:42:00.001-08:00

Robot dogs - for people who want a dog but are allergic to real dogs... Robot cats - for those who don't like robot dogs...

Robot snakes - Actually, I'm not really sure why they made a robot snake.

Robot basketballs - what the hell?

Robot lawns - alright. Now this is ridiculous!

You know what? Sometimes I think robot technology has the potential to go too far.

Robot PMS

2008-01-12T10:35:00.000-08:00

Sometimes this robot does not want to be touched.

So just DO NOT even try to touch her for a couple of days, okay?
I guess you could say that sometimes robots are more like my wife than you might think.

Be Careful...

2008-01-12T10:20:00.000-08:00

I don't know whether this guy is about to get robot-slapped or robot-Karate-chopped. But one thing is for sure...

He'll never make fun of a robot for having wheel feet again.

Robotchuma Robotchuma!

2008-01-12T10:13:00.001-08:00

Normally, I prefer ladybots with eyes, but with a body that shiney...

You're not hearing me complain!

Tiny Robot

2008-01-12T10:07:00.000-08:00

Or is it a giant human?

I guess we will never know.

Unless we see that giant human somewhere.

Robots Help Us

2008-01-12T09:46:00.000-08:00

Robots can be programed to complete all kinds of tasks we don't want to do ourselves...

This one will clean up dead bodies:

This one will put out a fire:

This one will wash the dishes:

This one will even listen to your wife when she starts nagging about how you never help around the house and all you do is watch TV while she does everything:

I need to get me one of those last ones.

Bringing Cyborg Back

2008-01-12T09:38:00.000-08:00

Did you know that robots have their own robot pop stars? That's right. This is the robot world's equivilent of Justin Timberlake. He draws big crowds like Timberlake... he has back up dancers like Timberlake...

And yes, he even makes shitty music like Timberlake.

Robot Flowers: More Like Real Flowers Than You Might Think

2008-01-12T09:05:00.000-08:00

Robot Zombies: More Like Real Zombies Than You Might Think

2008-01-12T09:04:00.001-08:00

This Guy's Robot Hand: More Like His Real Hand Than You Might Think

2008-01-12T09:01:00.000-08:00

Especially when it comes to holding up his invisible binoculars.

Robot Fact

2007-10-06T14:14:00.001-07:00

In some third world countries, a man's wealth is not based upon how much money he has or how much land he owns, but rather on the quality of his robot.

This particular guy is considered the richest man in his village.

Robotchuma Robotchuma!

2007-10-06T14:12:00.000-07:00

If robots ever take over the world and kill everybody, I hope they are the kind who look like this.

And that they don't kill me.

New Robot Technology

2007-10-06T13:59:00.000-07:00

Not only does this robot walk and talk, he also has the ability to play the trumpet and make old Chinese guys crap in their pants...

Little Robots

2007-10-06T13:57:00.001-07:00

Sometimes they are the best friend a retarded guy could ever have.

Robots: More Like Us Than You Might Think

2007-10-06T13:43:00.000-07:00

More On Robot Childbirth

2007-10-06T13:03:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest differences between robots and humans is that robots think childbirth tickles. In fact, sometimes they are laughing so much they forget to push.

And end up having to get a C-Section.

Great Moments In Robot History

2007-10-06T12:58:00.000-07:00

Remember when we dropped the atomic robot on Japan?

Great Moments In Robot History

2007-10-06T12:56:00.000-07:00

Remember when the Statue of Liberty attacked a robot with a big crowbar while an old gay guy watched?

Those were wierder times.

Great Moments In Robot History

2007-10-06T12:51:00.000-07:00

Can often be confusing.

Robot Street Gangs: Not As Goofy As Real Street Gangs

2007-10-06T12:45:00.001-07:00

Robotchuma Robotchuma!

2007-10-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

Can you believe some people don't like technology?

Deep Robot Doctrine

2007-10-06T12:20:00.000-07:00

If you meet a being who claims to be a robot, offer to shake its hand. If it shakes your hand and crushes all your fingers, you will know it is a real robot.

If it refuses to shake your hand, it still might be a robot - it could just be that it just wasn't programed to shake hands.

Karate Kid 3

2007-10-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

I never saw the third Karate Kid movie, but I guess in it Mr. Miyagi trains a girl Karate Kid...
Who is also apparently a robot.

New Developments In Robot Emotions

2007-10-06T11:53:00.000-07:00

In the past we have spoken about how many robots today can not only emulate human emotions, but many can actually experience human emotions. Just look at the wide range of emotions these new robots can express:

Email this robot a bomb threat and watch how scared he gets...

If you are ugly and you invade his personal space, watch him get uncomfortable...

This one feels physical pain when you break his fingers...

And he feels emotional pain when you molest him...

What will they think of next?

Robot Roommates

2007-10-06T11:46:00.000-07:00

Never clean their side of the room.

Robot Fish: More Like Real Fish Than You Might Think

2007-10-06T11:40:00.000-07:00

Robotchuma Robotchuma!

2007-10-06T11:29:00.000-07:00

The biggest problem is when I look at her breasts and I see my own reflection...

That'll kill the mood every time.

Three's A Crowd - Even If One Is A Robot

2007-10-06T10:08:00.000-07:00

There's nothing worse than when your date brings along her jealous robot friend.

Robot Clone

2007-10-06T09:57:00.000-07:00

When I heard they were making a robot clone of this guy, I assumed the robot would be even creepier than he is.

I was wrong.

And I think this lady would agree...

Robot News: The Freedom Robot

2007-06-05T14:17:00.000-07:00

As an answer to terrorism on the whole, New York City officials have decided to place a giant robot called The Freedom Robot at ground zero where the two towers of the World Trade Center once stood.

I know it makes me proud to be an American.

How do you like that shit, Bin Lauden???

Robots In History: A Brief Lesson

2007-06-05T13:07:00.000-07:00

Many people, when they think of robots, think of the future. But that's too bad because robots have played a very important roll in history and it is important that we remember that.

For example, did you know that there was a robot on Gilligan's Island?

That's right, but the hostory of Robots actually goes back even further.

Yep, and did you know that Hitler had a robot as a personal bodyguard?

And did you know that many of the early cowboys back in the wild west were acually robots?

And on the other side of the world, many of the ancient Samurai were robots... Many historians also have suggested that Abraham Lincoln was himself was a robot:Do you think that's a lot of history? Huh? Do you think so? Well, what if I were to tell you that they have recently found fossils which suggest that many of what we now call "cavemen" were actually robot cavemen?That's right, and not only that, but some have even suggested that robots are responcible for the death of the dinosaurs:

Well, this has certainly not been a complete nor a comprehensive history of robots, but at least it gives you some perspective on the role that robots have played in our own history.

So now you know.

And knowing is half the battle.

Family Pictures

2007-06-05T13:02:00.000-07:00

Some people say I used to look like a robot when I was a kid.

Here is a picture of me and my older brother taken outside my grandma's house back in 1983:

I think they just say that because I used to have kind of a "boxy" torso...

Robots: More Like Us Than You Might Think

2007-06-05T12:46:00.001-07:00

Robots: More Like Us Than You Might Think

2007-06-05T12:24:00.000-07:00

Robot Unicorns: More Like Real Unicorns Than You Might Think

2007-06-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

Never Laugh At A Robot

2007-06-05T11:16:00.000-07:00

So you think that robot's pretty funny do you? You think it's OK to just laugh in his face, is that right?
Well lady, I don't here you laughing anymore!

MmHm... That's what I thought.

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others

2007-06-05T03:13:00.000-07:00

One of these things is not like the others.
Three of these things are kind of the same.
But one of these things is not like the others.
Now it's time to play our game.
It's time to play our game...

If They Had To Make A Robot Clone...

2007-06-05T02:55:00.000-07:00

Why would they make one of this guy?

Simon Says

2007-06-05T02:53:00.000-07:00

Simon says - stretch out your arms like this...

Or I will shoot you in the chest with my death ray.

Special Needs Robots

2007-06-05T02:45:00.000-07:00

Oh bla dee Oh bla dah.

Artificial Life goes on!

Robot Gynecologists

2007-06-05T02:41:00.001-07:00

Alright, I admit I went too far.

Simon Says

2007-05-24T21:26:00.000-07:00

Simon says - You shouldn't let your kids get any closer to this robot.

And the robot's parol officer would almost certainly agree with Simon.

Trust Me, Don't Ever Laugh At A Robot

2007-05-24T21:21:00.000-07:00

Oh, so you think robots are funny huh?

Well, I bet you don't think they're so funny now, do you?

Do you?

Do you???

Yeah, that's what I thought!!!

The Robot Facts Of Life

2007-05-24T20:49:00.000-07:00

Q. What is more disturbing than robot pregnancy?
A. Robot childbirth!

I'm Telling You, Don't Ever Laugh At A Robot

2007-05-24T20:36:00.001-07:00

What's so funny huh, buddy? You think that robot's funny? You think that robot is pretty funny don't you?

Well, I don't hear you laughing anymore!

I guess robots aren't so funny after all, are they???

Yeah, that's what I thought!

More Robot Love?

2007-05-24T16:29:00.000-07:00

So you think maybe this blog has too many posts about the romantic relationships between robots and humans.

And maybe you have a point.

But I am sure you see my point - that there is lots of photographic evidence of robots, like this one, enjoying the sweet fleshy fruit of human desire:

And I think you also see his point when he argues that "she did not look 16 officer!"

'Cause she really doesn't...

Nope.

She really doesn't...

Well, maybe a little, but still...

Robots In Rock & Roll

2007-05-24T13:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder what role robots will play in the future of rock music.

Because sometimes I think it might be cool:

But I am afraid it also has the potential to just be creepy:

Robots: More Like Us Than You Might Think

2007-05-24T13:24:00.000-07:00

And I for one, can especially relate to this robot...

Einsteinbot

2007-05-24T11:41:00.000-07:00

What if they were to bring Einstein's head back to life and put it onto a robot body. Then it would be the most brilliant and influential robot in history.

But come on!

That's ridiculous!

Only an idiot would think of such a stipid idea!

Really, that's just dumb!

Oh yeah????

Well, try telling that to this guy...

Or this guy...

Actually, that last one isn't really that shocking is it?

My Favorite Robot

2007-05-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

People always ask me which robot is my favorite, but to be honest, that's a very difficult question to answer. But I guess if I had to pick just one, I would say that this particular robot is my favorite:

I can't put my finger on why - There's just something that draws my eyes to it.

My Least Favorite Robot

2007-05-24T11:26:00.000-07:00

When people ask which is my least favorite robot, that is a much easier question to answer.

This guy:
Because he's kind of a molester.

B9: Robot Playa

2007-05-24T10:32:00.000-07:00

As you are already well aware, a current trend in robotics is for the robots to date human chicks. And there is no robot who is getting more sweet human love than the following robot. B9 is his name - and ladies are his game. I mean, just look at how much action this robot is getting:

Oooh, yeah!
Uh huh!

Very nice!
That's what I'm talking about!
Mmmm... Not too shabby!
Woah! Sweet momma!
That's right, B9 is the man!!!!

But what is it about him?

How does he get such sweet pieces of lady-candy?

What makes a robot so attractive? So masculin? So irresistable?

Well, I did some research, and it looks like it may have something to do with the fact that his programmer was one of the most masculin and manly examples of human kind:

That's right - Burt Reynolds.

Now it all makes sense, doesn't it?

Robot Fashion

2007-05-24T09:57:00.000-07:00

I don't care if you are a robot or human...

gold glittery nail polish is tacky.