Saturday, March 24, 2007
Why Girls Dig Robots
So as we have discussed, chicks really seem to dig robots. But why? Why are so many women these days chosing a relationship with a robot over a relationship with a man? Well, I don't claim to be an expert when it comes to women, but I do have a few ideas...
You see, women like to feel safe. They want someone to stand by their side and be there to support them - and give them the occasional neck rub (without making them wait until after the game).
Robots can be programed to do that.
They want someone who will bring them flowers for no reason (not just because they did something wrong). And without complaining how stupid it is to pay so much for the flowers when they are just going to die in a couple days anyway.
Robots can be programed to do that.
Women want someone who wants to go to the park with them and eat icecream cones even though we already have icecream in the freezer and we can just eat it and watch TV.
Robots can be programed to do that too.
Women want someone to look them in the eyes when they talk to them - no matter how revealing the shirt is that they are wearing.
Robots can even be programed to do that.
She wants someone who will sing her lovesongs.
Someone who enjoys spending time with her parents
Someone who is willing to kiss her grandmother.
Someone who enjoys talking to her on the phone.
And who doesn't complain about the shitty radio station she listens to in the car.
And last, but not least, she wants someone who can give her the sweet sweet loving she desires as a natural woman of flesh and bone.
And robots can be programmed to do all of this crap. Where with men on the other hand, she would have to invest years and years of training and even then, he probably wouldn't want to do this nonsese.
Except the last one of course.
After the game of course.
You see, women like to feel safe. They want someone to stand by their side and be there to support them - and give them the occasional neck rub (without making them wait until after the game).
Robots can be programed to do that. They want someone who will bring them flowers for no reason (not just because they did something wrong). And without complaining how stupid it is to pay so much for the flowers when they are just going to die in a couple days anyway.
Robots can be programed to do that. Women want someone who wants to go to the park with them and eat icecream cones even though we already have icecream in the freezer and we can just eat it and watch TV.
Robots can be programed to do that too.Women want someone to look them in the eyes when they talk to them - no matter how revealing the shirt is that they are wearing.
Robots can even be programed to do that.She wants someone who will sing her lovesongs.
Someone who enjoys spending time with her parents
Someone who is willing to kiss her grandmother.
Someone who enjoys talking to her on the phone.
And who doesn't complain about the shitty radio station she listens to in the car.
And last, but not least, she wants someone who can give her the sweet sweet loving she desires as a natural woman of flesh and bone.
And robots can be programmed to do all of this crap. Where with men on the other hand, she would have to invest years and years of training and even then, he probably wouldn't want to do this nonsese.
Except the last one of course.
After the game of course.
Robot Conspiracy 1: Professional Sports
Some people say that robots are replacing the working man - that they are taking all of our jobs. And not just replacing our factory workers, nope. They even seem to be taking over our professional sports leagues:
Baseball
Golf
Soccer
Even tennis
Soon there will no longer be professional athletes getting paid 20 Million dollars a year to run around and throw a ball. Our children will no longer have sports rolemodels like Kobe or Shaq. They will all be replaced my more efficient and more affordable Robojocks.
That will truly be a sad day...
But kind of awesome too!
Baseball
Golf
Soccer
Even tennis
Soon there will no longer be professional athletes getting paid 20 Million dollars a year to run around and throw a ball. Our children will no longer have sports rolemodels like Kobe or Shaq. They will all be replaced my more efficient and more affordable Robojocks.
That will truly be a sad day...
But kind of awesome too!
Robot Conspiracy 2: Bigfoot
Is Bigfoot really a robot?
Hey little girl, don't talk to that sasquach. And whatever you do, don't tell him where your Mommy is...
Damnit little girl, I told you not to tell him where your Mommy was!
Who's this guy? He thinks he can get the missing link to hand over your Mommy by begging on his knees and appealing to the humane nature of this gentle and misunderstood beast?
Well sorry fella, but that is no beast. That is a machine. A big furry machine who will stop at nothing to get that stupid girl's fine ass Mommy. Look even choking you to death with its mechanical death grip seems to be impressing her - she really seems to be having a good laugh at this whole thing.
FINAL SCORE
MAN:0
ROBO-BIGFOOT:1
Also check out how every time this robot carries this lady he cops himself a feel of the merchandise.
So is Bigfoot in fact a robot? Well, I think these pictures speak for themselves. Besides, I've heard more absurd theories - like Bigfoot is actually Axl Rose - a hungry Axl Rose who enjoys nachos.
But come on...
That's just ridiculous!
Or is it??????
Hey little girl, don't talk to that sasquach. And whatever you do, don't tell him where your Mommy is...
Damnit little girl, I told you not to tell him where your Mommy was!
Who's this guy? He thinks he can get the missing link to hand over your Mommy by begging on his knees and appealing to the humane nature of this gentle and misunderstood beast?
Well sorry fella, but that is no beast. That is a machine. A big furry machine who will stop at nothing to get that stupid girl's fine ass Mommy. Look even choking you to death with its mechanical death grip seems to be impressing her - she really seems to be having a good laugh at this whole thing.
FINAL SCORE
MAN:0
ROBO-BIGFOOT:1
Also check out how every time this robot carries this lady he cops himself a feel of the merchandise.
So is Bigfoot in fact a robot? Well, I think these pictures speak for themselves. Besides, I've heard more absurd theories - like Bigfoot is actually Axl Rose - a hungry Axl Rose who enjoys nachos.
But come on...
That's just ridiculous!
Or is it??????
Saturday, March 10, 2007
And just like you - they only trust Korean ladies!
You Are Cordially Invited
Mr. and Mrs. Roboto
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their son
Chuck Roboto
to
Alexis Martineau
Daughter of
two ashamed parents who have disowned her
And prefer that their names not be listed here
On Saturday,
May Fourteenth, Two Thousand and Seven
at the Discovery Bay Country Club
1475 Clubhouse Drive
Discovery Bay, CA 94515
The Bride and Groom are registered at Bed Bath and Beyond, Target, and R.H.D. Robotics Inc.
(notice that Alexis isn't wearing white)
Friday, March 9, 2007
Robot Fact
One of the worst things about being a robot:
Always having to pose for pictures with huge dorks.
Always having to pose for pictures with huge dorks.
Robot Fact
One of the best things about being a robot:
Sometimes getting to pose for pictures with hot chicks.
Nice, Optimus! Very nice!!
Sometimes getting to pose for pictures with hot chicks.
Nice, Optimus! Very nice!!
Clarification
I know that we already discussed robots that can dance, but there still seems to be some confusion, so hopefully this will clear things up.
The Robot Dancing:
Dancing the Robot:
Dancing with the Robot:
Still unclear? Let's go over it again...
The Robot Dancing:
Dancing the Robot:
Dancing with the Robot:
Do you have it now? Again? OK
The Robot Dancing:
Dancing the Robot:
Dancing with the Robot:
What? How can you still be confused? Alright, but this is the last time...
The Robot Dancing:
Dancing the Robot:
Dancing with the Robot:
Huh? What are you not understanding here? Oh man...
The Robot Dancing:
Dancing the Robot:
Dancing with the Robot:
You got it? Oh, thank goodness. Let me know if you get confused again.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Robots In The Workplace
I can't see what this robot's got going on behind the typewriter, but his secretary sure seems impressed.
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